A Small Victory

My last weekly visit with this specific office was today (Wed 10/26). Figures that I had to fight a horrible battle with morning sickness. I woke up at 6:30, got Mason out of bed, Lizzie was already begrudgingly getting ready to head to her Grandma's house (PS - a 12 year old at 6:30 in the morning is best left alone). I put Mason on his changing table to get him ready and it kicked in. Dizziness, upset stomach, the lot. I somehow convinced myself that I could in fact keep myself upright if I tried hard enough and no I wasn't a bad mommy for leaving my son in his jammies for the foreseeable few hours ahead.

Alright... keep moving...

Mason went into his play yard with his sorting toys, Lizzie was getting ready... wait, was she getting ready? Off I went to check. She wasn't in her room and not in her bed (she's too smart for that). I turned around and there was was sitting a foot away from the space heater on the bathroom floor. Where she should be, NOT what she should be doing! I explained to her that she was leaving the house in 10 minutes whether she was wearing jammies, glasses, and sporting a particularly fantastic dose of morning breath or 100% ready to go. What do ya' know, she moved a lot quicker!

I finally corralled the kids and sent them out the door with my husband. After a particular romantic interlude with the toilet, I somehow managed to keep down a hard boiled egg and toast, and got myself moving too. Considering I wasn't going to see the babies again until mid November, I was determined to get to that appointment come heck or high water.

All went well at the office - four babies and four heartbeats! This was my last appointment with this Dr and I was happy and sad to say goodbye to the staff for now. He gave me his recommendation for a MFM (Maternal-Fetal Medicine) doctor, which is a Dr that specializes in high-risk pregnancies, and off I went to start the next leg of this journey. For the first time I left the office smiling. For the first time I walked out there feeling like I was treading water instead of slowly drowning. It's a small victory, but it really made my day.

Now all I have to do is wait until Nov. 10th to see the specialist and finally clear up some of the fog and have a look ahead at our plan for the coming months. Needless to say, I can't wait until Nov. 10!!

First Baby Pix!

Well, for those who are intersted in seeing pix of our little pumpkins - there's really not much to see. I wanted to scan them into the computer, but had to settle for taking pix of them with my camera instead.

BABY A

Baby A was our smallest little pumpkin two weeks ago and has caught up quite well (for now). I was 7 weeks, 1day pregnant and (s)he measured 7w0d. Just 1 day behind, which is great!!

BABY B

Baby B is measuring 7w3d.

BABY C

Baby C is measuring the same as Baby A, 7w0d. Just one day behind for now is just fine.

BABY D

Our last pumpkin is measuring the same as Baby C, 7w3d. I will happily call them my porkers now, because that will soon very change.

I know they don't look like anything other than blobs on film... but that's just fine to us :)

How Many Little Heartbeats?!

While at the Dr's office for our first scan, he kept telling me that just because we see the sacs where babies should be, doesn't mean that all of them will develop properly. I needed to come back the following Wednesday to see how many little heartbeats there were to determine more.

As the week progressed I was POSITIVE that there was no way all 4 babies would make it. After all, my Dr made it sound like there was the highest probability that they wouldn't. I set myself up for the fact that there may be twins and I was okay with that. No worries! The Lord gave us two hands - so I can make it work!

I went to my wonderful MOPS meeting on the Tuesday before the appointment. A friend who knew we were trying for #3 pulled me aside and asked how it was going, knowing full well I should have known if I were pregnant or not by that point. It was all I could do to keep myself from talking about it - I don't lie because (A) I'm horrible at it and (B) I always fell so guilty I tell the truth in the end anyway, so what's the point. BUT I figured avoiding the facts in this situation was all I could try to do!

S: "So... any news yet!?"

Me: "Well, we went to the Dr last Wednesday and we have to go again tomorrow."
S: "So does that mean you're pregnant?!"

Me: "There's definitely something going on, we are just going in tomorrow to see what else is developing" If only she knew that I really meant 4 instead of 1 !!!

Now, one thing you have to know about me is that I do NOT NOT NOT like people accompanying me to Dr's appointments. I never have in the first place - I deal with news better alone (good and bad) and in complete honesty I don't like having to make small talk in a waiting room with anyone... it is my quiet sanctuary (my only other one aside from the locked bathroom door - lol) where I can actually read a book/surf the web uninterrupted/sit and stare at the floor - whatever I may do, I can do it ALONE. Although that may come across as selfish - I really don't feel bad. It's my one chance to be Cassie... not mommy... not maid... not wife/daughter/sister/friend... I just get to sit there and be ME.

ANYWAY, although I do not enjoy people accompanying me on Dr visits, when my husband came home that night I told him that he would be coming with me to the next appointment and that was pretty much that! LOL :)

When we (yes we - I would have drugged and dragged my hubby there if I had to) went in for the ultrasound on Wednesday, the Dr counted up the heartbeats... four little flickers on the screen. Again, the nervous laughter resurfaced and my husband and I probably sounded like loons. I'm not sure if the Dr thought we were happy or very quickly loosing all our marbles (He didn't know we lost our marbles a while ago).

We weren't even a few hundred feet from the office when I totally lost it. I mean I was ugly crying and couldn't control myself. Hyperventilating, waterfall of tears, scrunched up face, snot... like I said, ugly crying. I didn't care though, I couldn't even form words - it was just too much for me to handle.

The week that followed was intense. I went through the emotional spectrum it seemed like on an hourly basis. And I felt ashamed of it too... how could I be depressed when the Lord was entrusting us with these little souls?? After researching and reading other's blogs who also had quads, I began to feel normal. It is a scary thing to handle and that's alright... I can find joy in it now and have realized it is going to take "baby steps" (almost took that out... so corny) for our family to adjust to our growing family.

What we can use now is prayers. Here are some things you can pray about specifically:

1. That I will daily continue to find the joy in our changing lives.
2. The babies will continue to be healthy.
3. Our daughter "Angel" will find peace in having her life change in such a huge way. Being older, and the one-and-only for 11 years, this is a hard change for her.
4. My husband and I will grow stronger in each other.
5. As horrible as I feel for writing this one - I would ask for prayers that I just accept and am thankful for what the Lord has blessed us with. I have been questioning His decision, His ways, His general (mis)understanding of how strong I actually am as a woman... I need His strength more then ever now, and I need to know this.

Thanks for the love and prayers! Check in tomorrow for baby pix and updates on their development thus far :)

We're Pregnant.... WITH QUADS?!?!

We prayed for one more tiny little blessing for our family of 4... and got 4 more!

You know, I have to be cliche and say "Never in a million years did I think this would happen to us". After careful consideration of our little family - my husband, myself, and our two children Angel (12) and Munch (1) - my husband and I decided to to try for one more. I need some help in this department, so off we went to my wonderful fertility Dr. to start the treatment again. We assumed it would take us a few months at least to conceive again. After one failed Clomid cycle in August, we switched right to injectables in September (Folistim, Ovidrel, and Ganarilex) with IUI (just for good measure, lol)... Well, it worked... too well! The Dr showed me our little quadlets - A,B,C, and D. No heart beats yet - it was too early.

In the office I could do little else but laugh (horrible nervous habit that tends to come about in the most inappropriate situations) and only utter the phrase "uh-huh". As I was leaving the office I was still laughing and positive that the others in the waiting room got a little worried for me. As soon as I was in the car, I called my hubby at work to share the news. Our conversation went as follows:

Me: "Hey babe, just out of the office and all looks good. I'm fine and they're fine as well!"

Hubby: "They're fine.... how many are fine?"

Me: "Guess" (you know I had to make him do it)

Hubby: "Four"

Me: "YUP!" - No conversation continued really from this point... most of it was laughter.

He actually called back multiple times that day, asked how I was doing and just continued laughing! I have found that sheer and utter shock will do that to people. So, we had to wait a week to see if there are heart beats for each little baby to tell if the pregnancy is actually viable.

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Check in tomorrow for Part 2 to the story... How Many Little Heartbeats?!